Category Archives: personal

Life Lately

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I’m not the best writer.  I don’t have a way with words, and am not always the most articulate.  A lot of times I feel like I don’t make sense to others.  But it makes sense in my head and heart.  🙂  This is one of those posts that I hope you understand my heart.

A lot has happened since my last post about my heart and what God is doing.  God has answered prayers, given direction and peace.  I’m EXCITED!!!  I’ve been in touch with a girl in Nashville who is starting a Christian Nanny Agency, with more of a focus on the Christian music industry.  I honestly don’t know all the details, we are still in the process of e-mailing and filling out applications, but I know when I read her post about how God was leading her, my heart told me this is what I’ve been looking for.  So it’s looking like Nashville is a part of my near future.  I’m not certain on dates, I’m still praying about all that.  A part of me is ready to move tomorrow.. but I’m waiting on God’s timing.  I’ve got a house to pack up and things to get rid of.  I need to find a place to live and that’s scary.  Plus I would like to save up some money before I go to help with the transition.

This past weekend I nannied for a family in our church, and my prayer was that God would confirm moving to Nashville to be a nanny through this weekend.  I can’t say enough how He confirmed it over and over!!!  I love my faithful God!!!!  I was more at ease with those kids than I was when I was at my real job Sunday morning.  It was like God was saying “Go forward, walk in this.”  I loved every second with those kids.  And I know that it’s not always going to be like that when I’m a nanny.  It’s not going to be easy.  But for God to confirm it in such a BIG way for me.. WOW!  My heart is full of thankfulness for God and how He answers prayers.

As I’m looking into moving to Nashville, I’ve been praying through a lot of the fears and worries that I have.  I know that it’s not going to be easy.  I truly only know one family that lives there, and I’m coming from a town where I have a BIG family that surrounds me.  This family here came in time, and I know that my Nashville family will come in time as well.  It’s just one more area that I am going to have to trust God in.

This past year I’ve been reading the devotional book “Jesus Calling” and everyday it’s exactly what I’m going through.  Sometimes I even wonder if my book says the same thing everyone’s does.. it’s THAT freaky at times.  🙂  Today I was reading about fears of the future.  Check this out:  “You tend to project yourself mentally into the next day, week, month, year, decade; and you visualize yourself coping badly in those times.  What you are seeing is a false image, because it doesn’t include Me.  Those gloomy times that you imagine will not come to pass, since My Presence will be with you at ALL times.”  Those words spoke such truth to my soul this morning.  I know that no matter what happens, I will be ok because God is with me.  Those times of loneliness, those times of unknown, or confusion… God will be with me.  So what that I hardly know no one.. so what that my family will be in Virginia and Texas.  God is WITH ME.  And with HIM I can do ANYTHING.

I was journaling through this last week, and the thing I found myself writing over and over, was TRUST HIM.  That’s what’s it’s coming down to.  He knows where I’m going to live.  He knows who my friends will be.  He knows the church I will attend and the people who I need in my life.  We teach our kids in Upstreet that “I can trust God NO MATTER WHAT”.  I LOVE this truth.  I love that I am being reminded of it DAILY through this process.  Is it scary.. HECK YEAH.  But am I growing in my faith.  You better believe it!  And that makes it all worth it.

The One Where I Get Personal

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Do you ever feel like you have all these questions but you can never get answers? Just me?!?! Great!

Lately I feel like I’m just not getting any answers. I’ve been praying for direction and it SEEMS like nothing is happening. Now I know God is at work here. I know that I can trust Him. I know that HE is in control. So why do I still struggle?

Let me give you a little background first. I’m right at three years into my first ministry job. The past two years have been some of the most difficult years of my entire life. Without going into a lot of details, just know that i grew up in the ministry, (I’m a pk and ministry is a part of my being) and these have been some of the worst years in my almost 30 years. I don’t love the town I live in but I do love the people here. And most days everyday I think about moving. Mostly to Nashville, but honestly I would go almost anywhere. In spite of all that negative, I know that God has blessed me incredibly by the people He has placed into my life here. I have a family here. My sister & bil are here. My church family is here. So why can’t I be happy?? Is it time to move on?

I was telling a friend tonight how I think there’s something wrong with me. Somedays I know that for right now I’m where God wants me. I am praying for that to change (SOON), but I’m ok here. I want to make changes to some of the things in my life, but I’m ok. Happy.. No. Ok.. Yes.

Then other days I have the complete opposite of emotions. I want to run as far away from here & never look back. Not that I would.. (remember all those people God put into my life.. Yeah those..). But it’s not about running away, it’s that I need something new. I feel that my time here is up. I’ve done all that I can do and it’s time to move on. This town is to small and I can’t get away from the past that hurts me. (See I told you there was something wrong.).

The problem here is that the run away days far out weigh the good peaceful days. And the run away days happen on good days. (Nothing major happens to set this off..).

So this is where my questions come in. I know not to make a move without direction, so I know to stay put until God opens something or I feel a leading.. But how do I stop these emotions? Why am when I’m praying for direction.. Praying for God to move me.. I get nothing? What about this needs to change? As I’m typing this out I realize that something in my prayer needs to change.. But what? How can I seek God better in this? Do I need to pray differently?

I’m going to continue to seek counsel on this but if you think about it, please say a prayer for me. The fact is, I wanna be where God wants me. If that’s in small town Virginia, then so be it.. God change my heart. If He wants me in Nashville, or anywhere for that matter.. THAT’S where I want to be. Not because it makes me happy, but because it’s God’s will for me to be there. Will you join me in praying??

The Honest Truth

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Since this blog is fairly new, being open & honest on the internet with people who I may or may not know kinda freaks me out.  I know that’s the point of a blog so I guess I should jump right in huh?  This morning I weighed myself and I weighed the most I’ve EVER weighed before in my entire life.  And while I’ve known for a while that I needed to do something about my weight, it really hit me this morning.  Freaked me out hit me.. To the point that instead of grabbing my usual diet soda for the ride to work, j grabbed a water instead.  (And I hate the taste of water & survive my days by caffeine alone.)  I had tried Wednesday & Thursday to eat healthier, but I see that something needs to change.  Thus why I’m sharing this on here. 

At the beginning of 2011, God gave me several words for this year, and one of those was Healthy.  God was convicting me that my life needed to be healthy across the board.  And it wasn’t just about my health, but about my relationship with others, & with God.  So I’m still working on other areas of being healthy in my life, but I know that I need to make a CHANGE (another 2011 word) in my health. 

So I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do, but I stopped by the store on the way home & picked up some carrots & healthier foods.  So this is me putting it out there.  I’m going to try & cut back on soda.  I would LOVE to get to where I don’t drink any, but I’m going to start with one a day & go from there.  I have a dog that needs to be walked.  I’m going to be more aware of what I eat.  Then we’ll see what happens and move forward with what works.  I know that I don’t like diets or exercising (thus my weight issues), but I don’t do well with cutting things out completely.  So its a trial to see what works, but with help from God anything is possible. 

So its out there internet world.  Help hold me accountable please.